One of the most depressing feelings is talking to someone whose voice you desperately need to hear, but getting no response. It hurts so bad, especially when no other person’s voice can replace that one voice.
Another depressing feeling is asking your father for something expecting to get it because of your relationship, but instead getting no response. And you even asked with an agenda, a proposition and all that stuff to impress Him, but He still didn’t budge. I don’t know what is worse, the feeling of being rejected or being ignored.
Makes you start wondering. “Is it something I said?”, “something I did”, “maybe it’s because I was adopted, I’m probably just annoying Him now”. The rule of the house is that if we needed anything, all we had to do was ask. I’ve done that but all I’ve heard was mum. At this point, if I get a no, at least I’d know that the issue is not Him refusing to talk to me.
It’s just depressing when you call and get no answer and no returned calls.
I could say by faith I believe it’s for my own good. I could say one day it’ll get better and I’ll understand the reason behind the silence. But that’s not how I’m feeling today and if I said that, then it won’t be true… for me at least.
So I’ll just say I’m feeling very hurt today and I’ll leave it at that. One of the beauties of a relationship is the freedom to honestly express how you feel. So honestly, I’m feeling very unimportant.
All I know is I’m still hoping that daddy will, at some point, speak to me.
Update: Daddy came thru!!! He spoke to me. God always speaks, even when we’re frustrated. He’s also patient enough to let us rant and then speak again so we can hear Him and go “aaaaaah” 🙂