Hi Y’all !
So, as some of you know, I went back to school! For the year (and some) after college that I worked, I dreamt of returning to school almost everyday. I missed school, all my friends, going to class and just being in that environment. In a series of events that I will talk about in one of my other blog posts one of these days, I have found myself in the University of British Columbia, one of the most prestigious universities in the world, with the goal of getting at least a masters in biochemistry and molecular biology. Isn’t God good? I’m so grateful for this opportunity and sometimes I can’t even believe that I am here, but the truth is I AM.
Here’s the weird part. You would expect me to be having the time of my life, wouldn’t you? Well, I kind of am, except I kind of am not. Anyone who knows me has heard me say something about wanting to be a medical doctor, and most of the people who care about me have also asked me why this change in field, or if med school is still in sight. If I had my way, I would’ve been a medical doctor at least 2 years ago. But God ways are not my ways and I trust that. Here I am, at one of the best places to be to learn about science, doing not what I, in a million years, would have thought I’d be doing at this point in my life.
Go to class, eat right, work out, get it together and just live a happy life. These are things that I wish I could do effortlessly and without putting so much thought into them. But the sad truth is its getting harder to get it together. First of all, I’m feeling very overwhelmed by the people around me who seem to know what they want to do with their lives, and others who seem to be exactly where they want to be, then there are those who don’t really care and are enjoying the ride. I am trying to figure out where I fit in and what my function is in that area. I am trying to convince myself that there wasn’t a mistake and I was actually accepted to study here on purpose. I am trying to maintain my faith in a world of so many contradictory energies. I’m trying to be a good Christian, read my bible, fast sometimes and pray everyday. I don’t know, but it seems so hard to do these days. I am trying to stay in love with Jesus, when I’d really just want Him to give me exactly what I asked for once in my life.
But then I think to myself again, what if Jesus gave me exactly what I wanted now? What exactly would I do with it? I feel like life will truly begin when I finally bag that MD, but the truth is life began the day God formed me in my mother’s womb. I was purposefully placed exactly where I am for a reason and I don’t know enough about the future to know exactly what I want to be waiting for me there. I need to trust God as life unfolds because He knows the end from the beginning.
I’ve been hella broke for a while now (it’s not even funny) and sometimes I’d get so mad at God; like, I’m only asking for money to do important and necessary things for myself and my family but I am barely able to get by when my father owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Its very frustrating I tell you (shout out to all those christians who never complain).
In essence, life is not exactly a bed of roses but if I encourage people and tell them that the best way to live is a life of gratitude and a life dedicated to God, I shouldn’t just say that, I should be about it! Its nowhere near easy but I have experienced life from the angle of gratitude and ingratitude, and I can confidently say my life’s quality is way better when I’m grateful for all the blessings that I, most times, conveniently ignore.
At the end of the day, the beautiful thing is that God is merciful and sovereign; and that tough times don’t last forever. So this is for anyone who has ever felt anything remotely similar to what I feel more often than not, we gon’ be aight! 🙂 ❤