Rationale

The most painful thing about dealing with misplaced concern is that it’s sincere…

Why are you single? A question I anticipate won’t evolve when I am no longer single.

Why are you married? Why are you a mum? I’ve never heard these questions asked. I’m sure they’ve been asked, I just haven’t heard them asked.

But I must be ready with an answer for why I’m single, why I live where I live, why I’m on the career path I’m on, why I’m who I am…today.

It feels awkward. I feel awkward – like I need to explain myself. I want permission to be who I am today. Tomorrow cannot come soon enough for me, so I can finally stop explaining… so I can finally sit with those who have no more explaining to do.

But apparently, the burden of explaining continues. People are curious, they always want to know… why you are who you are today and why you will be who you will be tomorrow.

Its exhausting… It isn’t enough to be human, formed by the creator for a destiny whose unraveling will bring Him glory… It isn’t worthy of story to wait in anticipation – the unfolding of a story God is writing. It isn’t enough to be who I am today and hope for who I might be tomorrow… I must explain.

And explain I do – although I never quite get it right. My answers never satisfy. I could be doing more, or less.. but I could be doing. I couldn’t just be.. how would I explain that?

What kind of a story does simply existing tell?

Oh to be a lily dressed by the LORD, a sparrow fed by our GOD. I’m so much more I hear… so much more.

With some courage, and faith only the size of a seed, I hope I can just be – today… no need to explain. I hope for tomorrow without knowing what it holds. I hope I can trust that I am safe.. safe enough to no longer need to explain.