Gratitudes and Reflections: Change

It is still my birthday week (whoop whoop! :D) and I want to share a little of some things I have been reflecting on.

First of all, I really want to say thank you from the absolute depth of my heart to everybody who took some time out to wish me a happy birthday. In particular, I really want to thank the people who have never met me and described me as inspirational, or something sweet along those lines. I will forever be in awe that people like you think those thoughts about me. I honestly know that I am not as perfect as you describe, but God must think I am useful, for Him to open your eyes to parts of me I am still trying to accept. It is not very easy for me to take a compliment, even though I super appreciate receiving them. I know myself well enough to acknowledge that I am not deserving of all of the accolades I receive. Hearing and reading those compliments exposes me to how people feel about me and pressure builds up for me to not let you all down. It makes me oblivious enough, for a few moments, to believe that your perception of me is solely based on everything I do. Thank God for merciful Holy Spirit who is there to remind me that it really isn’t about me. I am just a vessel God so lovingly uses to show His children just how good and kind and great and loving He is. I am very thankful for it and I hope He never stops seeing me as useful to Him.

I read how a lot of you admire my love for God, and I feel guilty because I know how many times I have failed him, even on purpose, and I know that I have failed Him even when I did not realize it. I’m very thankful that who God is isn’t dependent on who I am. It gives me strength to take those compliments and hope to believe that the good work HE started in me, HE will see to completion.

So, thank you all once again. I am forever indebted to the kindness I receive on a regular.

It has been a busy past couple of weeks and the busyness continues for “I don’t know how long”. I am very grateful for it and I am intimidated by some of the events leading to the sudden surge in stuff I have to do.

Today, I want to write about change and what it means for me, in this season of my life.

Change is a strange, awesome, uncomfortable and oddly satisfying process to go through. In summary, here are some of the things change is teaching me:

Change is scary, and sometimes for very good reason.  One of the first questions I asked after I lost my father was “how am I going to survive?” I asked that both practically and emotionally because his death is my first experience with loving someone so hard and losing them. I’m still learning. Also, he was my breadwinner and I wondered. Sometimes I still wonder, but i’m hopeful.

The other thing about change is, its unfamiliar territory. This is pretty obvious because if you were familiar with what was happening, it wouldn’t be called change now would it? The unfamiliarity gives rise to the accompanying discomfort because we’re wired to seek rest and comfort. The amount of discomfort that change puts you through is what causes you to sometimes want to just give up. I know this to be true with me because sometimes I just want to have a moment to breathe; to return to my element where I don’t feel like i’m drifting away from all hope. In those moments when I yearn for the familiar, I am at my most vulnerable. But, I am super grateful for God whose strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Another thing about the change process is that it requires me to do a lot of trusting.  Its a period where i’m being stretched beyond all comfort and of  course i’m scared! But I have to trust God, the journey He has put me on and the ability He has placed in me to go through the change and emerge successful on the other side.

Change also demands my self-awareness and confidence.  I have had to make more decisions for myself in the last 6 months than i’ve ever had to make in my entire life. I have had to make these choices because it is in fact my life and I determine the direction of the sail. We are all endued with that power of choice and can I just reitirate how extremely important the power of choice is? That’s what scares me about it and what makes it extremely crucial for me to depend on God’s leadership. Too much is at stake to leave to chance. Change is too weighty a task to take on alone.

Change is too weighty a task to take on alone.

Another hard truth about change is that it requires isolation.  Growth is hard because it requires you to lose some things in order to gain other things that are more appropriate for the stage you’re in, in life. You are going to lose things and people to gain other things and other people. There are lifelong friends and seasonal friends. Don’t take it personal, its all part of the process. Be nice to everyone on your way up, not because you might meet them on your way down, but because destiny is too important to waste on being disobedient and unloving. In this change process, I absolutely cannot overemphasize the importance of completely depending on God. You’ve just got to depend on Him. He’s literally all we’ve got but oh He’s way more than enough.

Pause for praise break because Jesus’ perfection just makes my heart leap💕… okay, done.

Change requires a “whole lotta” risk. It’s like taking a leap you’ve never taken before. You’ve been prepared for it but when that time comes, you just have to take that leap you’ve never taken before, not knowing what lies on the other end of that leap. You might fall! But baby you might soar! It is the scariest thing in those first moments after the leap, but don’t be scared, God is on your side and I promise you won’t fall unless falling is part of God’s plan for your soaring.

Finally, no matter what happens YOU CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT LOSE HOPE. Why? Because it’ll all be alright. I say those words so much that sometimes people might not believe me when I say it.  But I believe it, that as long as you trust God and follow His lead, it’s all bright and beautiful in the end. 

One more thing you should know about change is that for the “Alive”, change never stops. Its an ongoing process and after you master one unfamiliar place, another one will come creeping in. Some stages are worse than others but at the end of it is a satisfied traveler with many scintillating stories. (I’m referring to you btw 😊 and me too).

I have so much love in my heart for whoever is reading this and I want you to know that no matter what is happening,  God is always fighting in your corner.
Lots and lots and lots of love from this little heart of mine to yours. I love YOU!

❤️

‘Kinah

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s