I was previously watching a show where a bunch of celebrities were chatting on the topic of abstinence. Now normally, I don’t like to give my position on this particular issue unless it’s solicited because I know how tense those conversations can get; and I typically try to move away from those kinds of eventually confrontational discussions. But in this case, I have decided to say and write something about it because the ideas that were being shared on this show were quite stupid, so stupid I couldn’t even finish watching the show.
Stupid is a harsh word to use (at least for me), but I use it in this case, because I genuinely feel like someone said something so fundamentally wrong, that it just had to be called out. Let me start from the beginning. A question was asked; “how high is sex ranked on your ‘list’ in a relationship?” Fair question. One of the ladies in the conversation answered by saying it was indeed very high for her. Fair answer. She then proceeded to go on and justify her answer by saying that religion trains people to value abstinence before marriage when it in fact does not have any benefit for the growing relationship. She completed her thought by saying that most people practice abstinence without actually knowing why they are abstaining, since they have just been conditioned to think that way.
In this day and age when people don’t screen the types of information they let seep into their minds, this statement makes some sort of sense. But if you are an independent thinker who actually does some thinking, regardless of where you stand on this topic, you’d know right off the bat that something was utterly wrong with that statement. The fact that she boldly claimed that abstinence had no value just because she doesn’t believe in it, PISSED ME OFFFF !! (like, I’m still mad I had to hear her say that).
One thing I absolutely hate is when people assume something isn’t beneficial, just because they choose not to do it. I write “choose”, not “can’t” because I know for a fact, save for some weird disorder, that every normal functioning human being is equipped with the capacity to decide if and when they would like to have sex. People who practise abstinence aren’t equipped with a different kind of brain compared to those who don’t.
That being said, I would like to reiterate that this is a concept not limited to the topic of physical intimacy, but expands to every other aspect of life that requires discipline. I’m going to use myself as the example here to explain. I’ve learned from experience what NOT to do and I share as I have learned. There was a time I used to look at people who worked out regularly, and basically convince myself that they were doing too much, with the excuse that I love my body just the way it is and wouldn’t want to change a thing. Of course, I knew deep in my heart the big lie I kept telling myself. I knew that the reason I felt animosity towards those I saw working out was that I secretly wished I could bring myself to build the amount of discipline it took to work on my body, well enough that I would be more fit and happier with my body.
Quick side note: Thank God I stopped thinking that way and I started trying to work out (I fall off the wagon and get back on sometimes, but I’m trying… that’s the point; and I’m now inspired by people who work out healthily, as opposed to being jealous and bitter).
This kind of terrible thinking always finds a way to creep into our hearts, and we are usually inclined to justify such stupid ways of thinking; I know I was. If you truly want to grow though, you’d quickly realize that thinking in this way is a recipe for disaster. You’ll continue to feel bad about yourself and blame others for it because you have somehow convinced yourself of the stupid notion that you shouldn’t be required to take responsibility for your actions and lifestyle.
In very plain terms what I am aiming at helping whoever reading this to understand is, at our very cores, we all know higher ground from lower ground. We know what works for us and we know what doesn’t. We know when we are truly convinced of a path and when it’s just an option we resort to out of the lack of discipline. I dream of a world where everyone is truly honest about where we are in our minds and thinking. I wish everyone could admit it when we’re unsure about things, be honest about how we feel, and be quiet enough to listen for wisdom when she graciously walks by every now and then. I wish we wouldn’t loathe another person’s journey to a better version of themselves, mirroring our own self-hate on them. I wish we would admit when we want to do better and ask for help. I also wish when we are the ones being asked for help, we don’t fall into the trap of judging and we actually stretch out loving arms to help.
I just wish we could be honest about our current positions and be hopeful in the potential we have to start afresh with each new moment as God gifts us. The bible says to guard your heart with all diligence, because out of it flows all the issues of life. The Bible also says that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he; and I believe the Bible is RIGHT.
I want to challenge you with a very important task; a task I strive everyday to accomplish, a task I wholly accept the grace of God in helping make possible. I want you to dare to be honest with yourself. There is so much freedom in truth. Let me write that one more time (for those in the back); There is so much freedom in truth!
Peace, blessings and so much love,