Everything is not grey

“Stay true to who you are”, they say. Well how hard can that be? Turns out, very!

Time is such a strange thing, so short, yet so full of very impactful moments. From the relatively little time I have spent in this beautifully complicated world, one of the things I have learned is how difficult it is being yourself. Recently, a lot of motivational talks and advocacy speeches have emphasized to their target audience the catchphrase “Be yourself”. While, that is great advice, I have a problem with how it is used. In fact, I think it is a highly abused suggestion. It actually scares me how the right advice taken the wrong way can be so damaging on such a global scale.

Let me explain…

I believe that a lot of people cannot be themselves because they don’t even know who they are. Some others can’t be themselves because they cannot be bothered to investigate who they are, but instead, settle for the comfortable version of who they think they should be. You see, disillusion is one of the easiest states to attain. It is so easy to convince yourself to accept your decisions as noble. Its such a dangerous power we have, choice. We can choose to lie to ourselves, and the even crazier thing is that we believe a lot of the lies we tell ourselves. We settle and convince ourselves that it was the best choice we could make for ourselves.

We fall prey to our vices and live comfortably in our own vomit all in the name of being ourselves. Have you ever noticed that some of the things you do make you more sensitive to judgement from people? Have you ever wondered why? Have you ever struggled with what you knew was a bad habit, but somehow got to the point where  you convinced yourself that if you just didn’t hide anymore, you’d be free to do that thing without that feeling of guilt anymore? That didn’t change the questionability of that thing now did it?

Nowadays, its really hard for me to engage in conversation with someone who does something I do not agree with. Contrary to what some of you might assume, it is not because I don’t want to have that conversation. It is that blend of defensiveness and hostility that makes me uncomfortable. You see when I do something that I know is questionable, I usually feel the need to get ahead of it and defend my actions before I am accused. I don’t want to have to feel bad so I use my smart words to get ahead in the game. I win, I think, or do I?

You still get the heat for not conforming to the norm, but the interesting thing is that times have changed, and so has the norm. Now, if I tell someone who smokes weed that I don’t smoke, they almost always feel the need to educate me on how weed is actually good for me. You see what I don’t quite get is the desire to get my approval, disguised under the lack of care for my opinion.

Confusing times I live in. All over the place, sort of like this post. I just want to share some of what I am thinking. And weed, use it as a metaphor if you will; but what I guess I am trying to do, is to draw your attention to the fact that whether the whole world agrees with you, or the whole world turns their back on you; what is good for you is good for you and what is bad for you is bad for you.

Now I know that life is not black and white, but I also know that everything is not grey. Think on that…

Love always,

‘Kinah

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