Hindsight is not 20/20.
Things happen, you make decisions, they have consequences. When you look back at some of those decisions, you can’t definitively say that you would choose differently if you could go back.
Some of the decisions I have taken were just me doing what I thought was best in the moment. This is definitely not a write-up to justify bad behaviour. I’m just attempting to get some things off my chest.
This is me trying to evaluate what my life looks like now, the choices that I made to get here, and how different things might look in this moment had things proceeded differently earlier on in time.
I haven’t written in a long time because frankly speaking, I haven’t known what to write. A lot has been going on in my mind and life. I’ve been thinking a lot and I’m not sure I have more information now compared to when I started asking.
So why am I writing now? I don’t know… This hope thing is pretty powerful and won’t let me go. I just cannot bring myself to throw in the towel on life. I just have this instinctive reaction to hold out for better times, clearer times. I’m writing because I think there’s a story unfolding and I want to keep track of it. I think there’s a relevance to it however painful it is to live through the unfolding process. See? There’s that hope thing again.
This is not about encouraging anybody. This is where I am now and I’m still writing because I think I might have some fight left in me. I don’t know how this is supposed to make you feel, but I’ll leave that up to you. I should state that whatever that is, it is my intention that it is somewhat positive in the least.
You WILL be hearing from me… at least I think so.